THE page boy who fainted during the Queen’s speech had been weakened by Prince Philip’s vampiric tendencies.
Page boys are traditionally used as a food source by senior members of the monarchy, who need to sustain themselves on the fresh blood of pedigree children.
A royal source said: “Philip felt he required more blood than usual if he was to remain conscious during the prolonged tedium of the Queen’s speech. Also he finds sunlight exhausting.
“It is a great privilege to have your child selected for pagedom, and they bear their puncture wounds as a badge of honour.
“Unfortunately though they rarely survive longer than six months.”
Because of this special diet, members of the royal family have been known to live over 900 years.
When they reach about 104, royals usually fake their deaths and retire to a castle in the foothills of Carpathia where they prey on peasant girls and lonely travellers.