Saturday, 7th December 2019

Prince Andrew to sort everything out by saying she looked 18

PRINCE Andrew is to sort this whole mess out by announcing that he would have sworn the girl was 18.

The Duke of York will hold a press conference on the steps of Buckingham Palace, wearing his military dress uniform and all his medals, to tell the world’s media that actually he thought the girl could even have been 20.

He will say: “I’m a man of the world. I’ve been around a lot, and there is no way anyone would have pegged that chick as illegal.

“Sure, she looked young, but take it from me once you’re past 40 they all look young and they’re all gabbling on about some pop music band or other, so that’s no guideline.

“Also, must I remind everyone that the age of consent in the UK is 16? Not 18, like in the US? 16. See, it’s here on this laminated card of worldwide consent ages I keep on me at all times.

“So, to sum up, I thought she was 18, she definitely looked 18, it’s fine anyway and I’m completely off the hook. Sorted? Sorted.”