BRITAIN has been accused of staring adoringly at a new photograph of Princess Charlotte for less than the mandatory four minutes.
Millions of UK citizens who should know their duty may have given the photo, released for the Princess’s second birthday, no more than a cursory glance.
A Palace spokesman said: “Oh, you’re busy? You think you’ve got more important things to be doing than gazing in simpering awe at the fourth in line to the throne?
“You pathetic pleb. Get your newspaper, centre that photo in your vision and contemplate her enchanting cuteness until you are specifically ordered to stop.
“She is cuter than your children. She is cuter than any children you will ever know. Memorise her cardigan, the haybale backdrop that sets off her winsomeness so perfectly, the blue bow in her hair.
“She is everything to you. You are nothing to her. This is how it will always be.”