THE Queen will be the next high-profile individual to amaze the public by returning to their old job, it has been confirmed.
With Her Majesty’s successor failing to achieve a similar level of public support, the Queen will be resurrected by the Royal Necromancer and be back on the throne by Friday.
Contacted by psychic, she said: “As the ultimate public servant I’m not about to let a little thing like death stop me. Let’s get round two underway.
“My year off has been restful, relaxing and has given me the necessary distance to recognise what’s needed to turn the image of the monarchy around. Little hint? Andrew. Executed. 3pm on Christmas Day. He won’t mind, death’s not so bad.
“We’ll need another coronation, of course, which means another day off for my cheering subjects, and I’ll do skits with James Bond, Paddington, James Corden and Harry Potter. You love that.
“After which it’s back to ribbon cutting, waving from coaches, weekly meetings with prime ministers trying to avoid my glassy scare. Picking up where I left off. Philip’s staying dead, though. Some things are best left in the past.”
The King said: “Only a cynic would think this is a shameless, pathetic move by an institution desperately clinging on to power.”