Queen ‘to have everyone to stay once palace has been done up’

THE Queen has promised that everyone can spend a weekend at Buckingham Palace once the renovations are done.

The monarch said she understood the quote for £370m was ‘on the high side’ but that the free standing baths and granite worktops she has picked out ‘will eventually pay for themselves’.

She added: “We’d have loved you to come and stay before now but the place is an absolute shithole.

“Once we’ve bunged in the new bogs and re-gilded the arches in state banqueting room, you can totally come and stay.

“Honest to god. How’s about the first weekend in June 2020? We could do loads of fun stuff. We could have a picnic!”

She added: ”No, but seriously, come anywhere near the place and I’ll have you shot.”