UK completely unprepared for snow for 10,438th winter running

BRITAIN has once again found itself unprepared for snow as it has been since the beginning of recorded history. 

Just as our fur-clad forebears in mud-brick houses were shaken to the core by the cold white magic covering the ground, people across the North today found themselves panicked by an inch of snow as if it had never been known in their lifetimes.

Historian Mary Fisher said: “As Chaucer wrote, ‘Snowe? Then thy milke man shal be late on his round as if this hath never byn befor.’

“Being caught completely off guard by an annual weather event is a British tradition which delayed the construction of Stonehenge, caused traffic chaos on Roman roads, and almost called off the Iron Age entirely.

“It’s part of our national character to suffer collective amnesia about snow each year, then to remember actually it’ll be gone by lunchtime.”

Martin Bishop, of Glossop, said: “Snow! But why would the sky-gods punish us this way when we have made sacrifice? How will we survive?

“Wow, deja vu.”