THE QUEEN will invite Donald Trump to Buckingham Palace to show him how to do gaudy interior design properly.
She will show the billionaire casino owner her refurbishment plans for the Palace which, officials believe, will make Trump feel like an amateur on a tight budget.
A Royal insider said: “It’s not like we’re going to redo the Palace in a rustic oak, ‘Shaker-style’. There is going to be a shitload of gold paint. An absolute shitload. Trump will feel like a country bumpkin.
“That said, the Queen is an obscenely wealthy chancer with a staggering contempt for every single one of you, so they’ll probably get along.”
Trump has been a big fan of the Queen ever since he saw TV footage of her being driven down the Mall in a gold carriage, which he described as ‘very classy’.
No date has been set yet for the visit but palace staff have already started work on a state banquet that will feature 15 courses of opulent-yet-bland food and no black people.