Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Rich twats still abroad

ALL the celebrities who once tweeted ‘we’re in this together’ are sunning themselves in Mexico and Dubai like the wankers they are, it has emerged.

As Britain entered a total lockdown expected to last months, reality stars and lightly-injured footballers were beginning 2021 by spunking champagne all over each other in pleasant, Covid-free locations.

Model and influencer Lauren Hewitt said: “I’m social distancing on a yacht in the Caribbean, but showing my lockdown solidarity by posting regular bikini pictures.

“Britain can be reassured I’m far away from any risk, and I’m providing a vital public service by flaunting my curves for the sidebar of Mail Online.

Billionaire Roy Hobbs said: “The lockdown came earlier than expected – I’d told Boris Thursday – but I’ve done my vital work guiding Britain to a crap-deal Brexit and now I’m celebrating in tax-free Monaco as I deserve.”

Stephen Malley of Doncaster said: “Yeah, I remember when all I had to be pissed off about was the celebrities’ massive kitchens as they sang shit songs for The One Show. 

“Thanks a lot, this is far worse.”