BARONESS Thatcher’s iconic outfits are to be auctioned off to old, rich men who will put them on in front of full-length mirrors.
More than 300 power suits will be sold to men who claim to be buying them for their historical relevance but will be parading up and down the bedroom in them before nightfall.
Julian Cook, CEO of a privatised water company, said: “Lady Thatcher is the saviour of Britain, and if I win her flattering, figure-hugging Aquascutum skirt and jacket I shall simply put them on a plinth.
“I definitely won’t put them on to feel her dark sexual energy coursing through my veins.
“As for the handbag I’m bidding on, I strongly deny that I will be repeatedly slamming it shut on my genitalia while hissing ‘Thank you, prime minister.'”
The prize item is a twin-set and pearls made from the hides and teeth of striking miners, only previously worn at private functions.
Auctioneer Stephen Malley said: “We’ve taken so many calls asking if they’d fit a 36R suit size we’ve had to put the information on our website.
“Though all the underwear already comes with a tuck-pocket for the penis. We’re not entirely sure why.”