Tom Cruise is best man at every Scientology wedding

A COUPLE have won the legal right to be married in a British Scientology chapel, allowing Tom Cruise to be a best man for the 3,814th time.

Cruise welcomed the High Court ruling and will use Best Man Speech 267B, which features a inspiring story about the groom’s journey through the Ultima-Excelsium Quadrant of Xenu Thoughtscape.

It emerged the Mission:Impossible star has been best man at every Scientology wedding since 1998, after telling church leaders that ‘if there is righteous Scientology happening somewhere, I need to be in on it’.

A church spokesman said: “Tom loves nothing more than launching a young couple into married life. After the ceremony he takes them into a private room and stares at them silently while smiling, very very intensely, for exactly 58 minutes.”

Scientologist Joseph Turner, who was married in 2005, said: “I had hoped that my best friend from university would be my best man until the church reminded me that Tom Cruise is my best friend from university.”

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Stolen Damien Hirst artworks 'easily replaced'

A WEST London painter and decorator has offered to replace the two Damien Hirst artworks stolen from an art gallery. 

Norman Steele says he is the ideal person to create new versions of the two works because he keeps all his sample pots in his van.

He continued: “Circles of household paint in a regular pattern on a blank white canvas? I can get those done for you by lunchtime, and for less than £33,000.

“A lot less, if we’re talking cash in hand.”