We’ll celebrate your birthday if we get a day off, Britain tells Queen

THE UK has told the Queen it will celebrate her 90th birthday if she gives everyone a day off work. 

Members of the public have admitted they are aggrieved about the monarch’s attempt to get all the usual cheering and flag-waving without keeping up her end of the deal. 

Roy Hobbs of Whitechapel said: “She knows how it fucking works. 

“We pretend we’re really into the monarchy, she gives us 24 hours away from the daily grind to drink strong white cider. 

“We did it for her golden jubilee, we did it for the diamond one four years ago, and I’ll be first down by the barricades in a Union Jack waistcoat if she does it again this year. 

“But trust me, you try to cheat us out of our day off and you’ll taste the true extent of Britain’s total indifference.”

A spokesman for St James’s Palace said: “Certainly. How does Friday June 10th suit you?

“We can promise a four-day weekend at the ‘end of her reign’, if you know what I mean, if you reciprocate with real tears.”