Thursday, 6th May 2021

Who are you absolutely bloody outraged to see getting the vaccine before you do?

BRITONS queueing for vaccines are livid that the less-deserving are jumping the queue while they sit at home waiting for letters like idiots. Who are you most angry about? 

Anyone in prison

From Gary Glitter to anyone else serving time at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, it is a crime against decency that criminals are getting vaccinated before you. Mealy-mouthed excuses about ‘protecting prison staff’ mean nothing. The only injections inmates should be getting are lethal.

Prince Philip

A lot of people think the Duke of Edinburgh shouldn’t have been vaccinated – not because he’s a royal, but because he’s a vampire. Philip has beaten off every disease known to man during his 132 years on earth. It’s highly likely he still has antibodies from the Spanish flu coursing through his veins. His vaccination will only have made him stronger.

Rita Ora

Rita Ora loves two things: being in adverts and breaching Covid regulations. The Masked Singer judge has become an anti-social distancing ambassador over the past year. And now there are unsubstantiated rumours she’s vaccinated, which would be even more infuriating than her 30th party. She’s in Australia now, laughing at you.

The Pope

Many feel that Pope Francis simply didn’t require a coronavirus vaccine. He is, after all, equipped with the most powerful protection against disease in existence: the blessings of God.

Ken Barlow

Ken Barlow easily fits into the vaccine priority groups, but should a fictional character from Coronation Street really be getting the vaccine before you? Despite a lot of anger, many fans of the soap were delighted to hear their favourite character was getting vaccinated. EastEnders fans continue to wait in hope for news about Ian Beale.

Dennis Nilsen

This one really takes the biscuit. It’s one thing inoculating living crooks and killers, but why on earth would they dig up Nilsen’s corpse and administer an initial shot of the Pfizer vaccine? Not even the Oxford vaccine but the good one. It’s beyond belief that something that clearly hasn’t happened has been allowed to happen. Call local radio, quick.