LOSING your patronages? Losing your military titles? No more HRH? Well who’s the Royal outcast now, motherf**ker?
Oh no, it seems a certain twat relative of mine – you know the one, right-wing uncle who’s handsy with your girlfriends – has suffered some kind of humiliating comeuppance. How sad.
No more military ranks you never earned? No more patronages, the majority of which were f**king golf courses? No more of your precious ‘His Royal Highness’? No sweat. Apparently. We’ll find out.
Hope you enjoy stepping back from your Royal duties, my fellow Duke. Hope you like spending the remainder of your life poking about Balmoral, grouse staring from the heather as bewildered as you.
No hard feelings, I’m in the same boat. Patronages, medals, HRH, all that shit gone. Except I’m wasn’t being sued for sexual assault of a minor or anything. I just moved to America.
Makes my treatment seem a bit disproportionate doesn’t it, Dad? Doesn’t it, bruv? Makes you look like a pair of wankers sheltering a sex offender while apparently I’m ‘upsetting Granny’ by having a Netflix deal.
Anyway, hope the trial goes well, Uncle Andy! And I hope you one day get that job you’ve been waiting for, Dad. You too, Willy. I’ll be over here, living my best life.