Why I wear a poppy, by Laurence Fox

AS we approach Remembrance Sunday, virtue-signalling communists have been asking me why I, popular actor Laurence Fox, wear a poppy. I’ll break it down: 

Our brave boys would want me to

I may be the first person to notice that Remembrance Sunday is about remembering The Great War, where brave British soldiers died bravely for Britain. The least I can do to show my gratitude for their sacrifice is to make myself the centre of attention.

It’s a form of political protest

In this age of woke, wearing a poppy is as dangerous and provocative as burning your Vietnam draft card was in the 60s. If a policeman, or let’s face it policewoman, fresh from an LGBTQ+ parade and a diversity seminars saw it, I’d be arrested.

It makes you stand out

Nowadays it’s rare to see a poppy in the wild. I’d estimate that you only see about 98 per cent of people on television wearing one – far less if you count repeats and US shows – and about 75 per cent of people in real life. Wearing a poppy demonstrates to all and sundry that I am one of the few patriots left.

It riles up Antifa

Antifa and their ilk are everywhere, like Satanists in the 80s. They despise any expression of pride in our country’s history. Imagine the expression on their balaclava-clad faces if they saw a poppy. And I’m not afraid of fisticuffs.

It’s the only thing left that isn’t virtue-signalling

Supporting Black Lives Matter is just a way to boost your career. My poppy hasn’t helped my career at all. Proof in itself that it is the only cause left that isn’t fraudulent and self-serving.

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Kanye West sweeps all 50 US states

THE presidential race has suffered a major upset after rapper Kanye West won an electoral landslide. 

Donald Trump and Joe Biden failed to pick up a single state after Kanye swept to victory on both coasts, the South and the Midwest, taking control of the Senate, the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court.

Polling expert Nate Silver said: “I guess both the Democrats and Republicans chose to put their focus on policies and personalities, while forgetting that Gold Digger f**king slaps.

“Ultimately, it seems, the pundits overlooked the fact that the run from 2004’s The College Dropout to 2016’s The Life Of Pablo is unparalleled in hip hop, and even Jesus Is King is pretty good once you get over it being Christian.

“Perhaps if the other candidates had focused on being a leading beatmaker and producer or running a multi-million dollar fashion line they could have competed. But probably not.”

West, who took to the balcony at the White House to announce he can levitate, that he will cure coronavirus with the power of his mind and that overnight he has made key breakthroughs in the field of quantum physics, has been hailed as a welcome return to grounded reality for the office.