'Why I will not be satisfied until Harry and Meghan's security has been cancelled and they are kidnapped by Isis'

HARRY and Meghan’s withdrawal from the Royal family has hurt me, a member of the media, personally. And I will not rest until they have no security and have been kidnapped by Isis. 

No, I am not satisfied with the withdrawal of their HRH titles, immeasurably painful though that must be. Nor am I satisfied by all my other demands having been met in full. 

It costs £600,000 a year to protect the Sussexes, a figure definitely given to me directly by Special Branch and not made up from my head. And when they announced they would no longer do Royal walkabouts, they forfeited all right to security forever. 

If they think they can go it alone, let them do so without the protection of Britain. And if it means Islamic terrorists break into their home and parade the sixth in line to the throne on a grainy hostage video, it will be no more than they deserve. 

I don’t insist on Isis. If a Mexican drug cartel, well-organised white supremacists or even a resurgent IRA should wish to do the job, I would point them to Harry and Meghan’s home myself. 

And when a ransom is demanded, I hope Britain will resolutely turn away and say ‘Not our problem. They wanted to go it alone so now they must live with the consequences.’ 

Then, and only then, will I finally feel that Harry and Meghan have been given the justice they deserve for heartlessly turning on the British media who only wanted the best for them. 

Not that this is personal, because it isn’t. But that bitch has to pay. 

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Idiot believes life will be hard for Harry now

AN idiot has convinced himself that life will be difficult for the Duke of Sussex from this point on. 

Nathan Muir has been snickering at the Queen’s decision to make Harry repay £2.4 million for Frogmore Cottage and the loss of his HRH title as if the Prince will ever suffer a moment of hardship. 

Muir said: “Welcome to the real world Harry, where everything’s not given to you on a plate. 

“You’ll have to get a job as a street sweeper or something. That’ll teach you a lesson. Your multi-millionaire dad won’t bail you out, because that’d be wrong. 

“And Meghan? No way she’s got any money left from when she was earning half a million a year, and Hollywood won’t touch her now. You messed this one up, sweetheart. 

“Yeah, those two will definitely have to learn the meaning of hard graft. No more world tours at the taxpayer’s expense. They’ll soon come running back.” 

The Duke of Sussex said: “Apparently businesses are falling over themselves to give us things for free. Not that we need it. But we’ll take it.”