Your country sucks, by Meghan Markle

By Her Royal Highness Meghan Markle

IN simple terms, the reason Harry and I are stepping down from Royal duties and moving to Canada is this: Britain sucks. 

Much has been and will be said about our attitude to our duties, Harry’s relationship with his brother, the racism of your media. All important factors. But none as crucial as the fact that the UK is a sh*thole and we are out of here.

From your pissy weather to your crappy little towns to your stupid f**king Brexit, it sucks. The North sucks and Scotland sucks and Wales sucks and you know Sussex? That sucks too.

I’ve only been living here a few years. H has been here a lifetime. ‘Honestly Megs, Kabul or Cardiff? No contest. Kabul every time,’ he says.

So we’re ditching the whole Royal thing. We’re leaving frosty kitchen suppers with Kate and Wills behind. The Daily Mail can, as ever, go and f**k itself. Because we refuse to raise our beautiful Archie in your balls-ass country.

Canada? Fantastic cities, incredible vistas, liberal prime ministers, legal weed. Britain?  Nando’s on retail parks, town centres thick with rough sleepers, and vindictive attacks on anyone with skin darker than a Greggs steak bake.

For those of you ranting about Frogmore Cottage, don’t worry. We’ll never be there. We intend to visit this dungheap as infrequently as possible. We might even put it on AirBNB.

If we never saw the UK again we’d be well pleased. Let this be my final statement as a Royal: f**k off forever.


the Duke and Duchess of Sussex

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WOULD you like to refuse to accept well-established facts? Find out which form of denialism is best for you. 

Climate change denial

Pretend you’re a courageous free-thinker when in fact you’re just a reactionary old git who wants to ban mobile phones to make young people sad. Ideal for pub bores, right-wing comment section trolls demanding evidence, the President of the United States.

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