Zuckerberg finally able to buy suit

AFTER a lucrative 2014, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg believes he can afford to buy some formal clothing.

Zuckerberg, who has just broken into the Forbes Rich List Top 10, is contemplating purchasing something smart for important meetings.

The internet entrepreneur owns nearly 150,000 grey t-shirts from Uniqlo but nothing with a collar.

Zuckerberg said: “My whole life I’ve dreamed of wearing a suit like a real businessman.

“Seeing as we earned $131.5 million in the fourth quarter of 2014, I thought I might treat myself and buy a jacket and some trousers.

“I could probably have splashed out for a tie and some cuff links if I hadn’t bought Oculus.”

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Epiphany means shit presents can be listed on Ebay

MILLIONS of unwanted presents are being listed online to commemorate Jesus’s parents flogging their gifts from the wise men.

The resale day of Epiphany has its origins in the Gospel of Luke, which describes how Mary and Joseph sold the myrrh and frankincense as soon as the last wise man disappeared over the horizon.

However they kept the gold because Joseph knew it would always hold its value.

Tom Logan said: “In the first seconds of January 6th I slammed those pasta bowls in a presentation box onto Ebay.

“This is the real Christmas for me – tapping the details of all those lame presents into my computer in anticipation of getting that first 99p bid.

“I grudgingly pretended to like these generic gifts at the time but I found them deeply offensive to me and degrading to the giver.”