GREY squirrels are to be culled as part of a wider campaign against species with very large penises.
A government spokesman said: “A male grey squirrel’s junk is about 56 per cent of his body weight.
“As well as being threatening, this is lewd and gives children nightmares, especially as squirrels look like angry rat-human hybrids.”
He added: “Other big penis animals on our extermination list include whales, big dogs and pigs, which have little girth but terrifying amounts of length.
“We want a world with no noticeable animal penis by 2084.”