Zuckerberg regrets going on Facebook while drunk

MARK Zuckerberg’s Facebook announcement that he will give away 99 per cent of his wealth was the result of being shitfaced, he has revealed.

The billionaire Facebook founder is now wondering if he can get out of his pledge to hand over $45 billion on the grounds that he had drunk two bottles of red wine.

Zuckerberg said: “I woke up with a splitting hangover and remembered I’d been on the computer till quite late, so naturally hoped I hadn’t said anything embarrassing on social media.

“I decided I’d probably just put up some music links and maybe written a few comments that weren’t nearly as funny or interesting in the cold light of day.

“But when I logged on I realised I’d promised to hand over my vast wealth to ‘good causes’. I went out into the garden and repeatedly kicked a tree while saying ‘fuck’.”

After checking his browser history, Zuckerberg believes his insane generosity may have been inspired by repeatedly listening to The New Seekers’ 1971 hit I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in a state of alcohol-induced sentimentality.

He continued: “I can’t go back on it without looking a complete bastard. My wife’s going to have a fit when I tell her she can’t have a tropical island and a space shuttle for Christmas.”