Celebrity

THE Queen will be the next high-profile individual to amaze the public by returning to their old job, it has been confirmed.

FATHERS still mourning the loss of Holly Willoughby from their screens are devastated to learn they have now been robbed of Carol Vorderman as well.

THE heir to the throne has been bitten by a radioactive baby and now has the powers of a baby, it has emerged.

IS your child thrilled because a celeb you've never heard of liked their comment on a social media platform you didn't know existed? It’s time to end your shameful ignorance. 

BRITNEY Spears’ book The Woman In Me is a fascinating indictment of the pressures of stardom, by all accounts. But there are some details you wish she would clear up.

YESTERDAY Rachel Riley wore a sexy nude-effect dress on Countdown, and if you already knew that maybe it’s time to get a f**king job? Here are some daytime hotties who prove it’s time for a rethink.

COLEEN Rooney has spoken about the tough decision to have her husband neutered following allegations of his philandering.

WHY is Al Pacino so respected for shouting and Robert De Niro feted for mumbling? Here are some other screen icons who are annoyingly overrated.

IT’S wrong to sexually objectify people, Gen Z will inform you earnestly. True, so if you fancy winding them up just share your romantic feelings about these hotties with them.

THE marriage of Hollywood’s first couple is in a deep healing space. Can you deal with your marital challenges with their same radical understanding?