Britain demands hibernation scheme

BRITAIN has demanded the right to sleep through the winter like a hedgehog.

Millions of people across the country said the were sick and tired of feeling like second class citizens compared to the small, spikey insectivores.

They have demanded the right to be put in coma from November to April, then covered in leaves and compost in a cave.

Nikki Hollis, from Stevenage, said: “I know there’s a 50-50 chance of emerging without all of my faculties intact. But at this time of year it’s my faculties that are the problem.

“They’re the ones telling me it’s cold, bleak, miserable and that there are many, many months to go before the first breath of spring offers an illusory chink of optimism.”

Tom Booker, who works for an insurance firm in Barnsley, said: “I work for an insurance firm in Barnsley. What else do you need to know?

“Short of never having been born at all, this is the best thing that could ever happen to me.”