MILLIONS of Britons envisioning a long weekend relaxing and drinking outdoors have once again forgotten about f**king insects.
Forecasts of a bank holiday heatwave have thousands planning evenings in the garden, days at theme parks and picnics in the country that will be ruined by gnats, wasps and ants respectively.
Sophie Rodriguez said: “Summer’s here at last! I’m going to drink in a pub by a canal, and by 10pm will be lighting each cigarette off the last one to keep the bloody bugs away.
“Then tomorrow I’ll fling the double doors to my flat’s tiny balcony wide to enjoy a prosecco out there before spending the evening gently persuading an enormous bee to leave via a much smaller window it is pathologically unable to find. Summer!”
Martin Bishop said: “I’m going camping with the family, having forgotten I spent a full fortnight after the last time applying cream to every one of the 33 red, inflamed bites on my legs.
“I also hope to lie in a deckchair, seemingly asleep until I sitting bolt upright to swat the flies drinking moisture from the corner of my mouth. And a child will be stung by a wasp. To teach them.”
Carolyn Ryan said: “Einstein famously said ‘If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left.’ But he’s dead and I’m willing to take the f**king risk.”
