THE spare room you’ve been meaning to turn into an office will instead be used to store carbon dioxide, it has emerged.
In a radical solution to climate change, the government intends to house CO2 in the nation’s worthless, junk-strewn spare rooms.
The CO2 would be processed into a non-gaseous, liquid state, then secretly pumped into households’ unused rooms while the occupants are at work, relying on the likelihood that no-one will ever open the door and let it all out.
Scientists believe the gas would lie undisturbed for decades, sandwiched between Walkers crisps boxes filled with old Q magazines and broken kitchen appliances.
Climatologist Dr Julian Cook said: “Placing CO2 under the sea or in specially commissioned storage tanks raises issues of both ethics and cost. Perhaps more importantly, it’s also a huge pain in the arse.
“However, that little room at the top of your stairs with the semi-dismantled mountain bike and the clothes horse in it would be just perfect.”
Carbon capture technology has been mooted for years, but this is the first time it has been suggested for pointless domestic areas.
Other possible locations for excess carbon dioxide include garden sheds, Dad’s Army VHS video boxes, or in kitchen drawers that that have become inexplicably filled with hundreds of Sainsburys’ bags to the point where they no longer open.
Dr Cook said: “We’re not suggesting that all the world’s CO2 ends up in people’s homes. Just a sizeable proportion of it.”