TANK tops, everyday racial abuse and Larry Grayson could all help tackle climate change, according to a report urging a return to 1970s lifestyles.
New research by the Institute for Studies shows the adoption of low aspirations and cheap foreign stereotypes could give Britain a carbon footprint not seen since 1976.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: "A PS3 consumes enough fossil fuel in one hour to keep a game of Simon going for 15 days, by which point we think it would sound like Rick Wakeman having a stroke."
The study also found that rising obesity has increased public transport fuel consumption by 50%, thanks to modern commuters weighing the same as three Aladdin Sane-era David Bowies.
Professor Brubaker added; "A fume-belching Austin Allegro taking a hollow-cheeked family to a shit-ridden campsite in Whitby is far greener than ramming four fat arses into a plane and then flinging it towards a vomit-soaked fortnight in Orlando.
"Everyone was much thinner compared to now. Look at Keith Chegwin. Thin as a whip on Swap Shop, but now he takes up three sections of a revolving door. We're recommending a dietary shift towards potato waffles and Texan bars."
The government insisted it was already adopting 1970s measures to combat CO2 emissions including a grinding recession and a violent, bigoted police force which keeps everyone cowering indoors for fear of getting a riot shield across the trachea.
A spokesman added: "All we need is a clapped-out Labour prime minister, a resurgent IRA and a Star Trek film. Wait a minute…"