Cat self-conscious about hairy ears

A CAT’S confidence is being undermined by protruding ear hair, it has emerged.

Cat Tom Booker admitted he avoids cat social gatherings because of the three inch-long hairs that grow out of his ears.

He said: “I’m barely a year old but I have the hairy ears of an 80-year-old man.

“I’ve tried cutting them but I lack the thumbs with which to hold any cutting implement.

“It’s just such a fucked up thing.”

However fellow cat Mary Fisher said: “Personally I find long ear hair to be very attractive on a male cat. It’s a sign that they’re a good listener.”



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Listening device found in tapas

A LISTENING device has been discovered hidden inside a prawn at a Spanish restaurant.

Diner Emma Bradford was enjoying a meal with friends at the Spanish-owned La Casa restaurant when she bit into something hard and metallic.

She said: “At first I thought it was a bit of prawn shell, but on closer examination it turned out to be a tiny microphone.

“The Spanish had been secretly recording our entire conversation. Now they know everything about my possible work promotion and difficult relationship with my ex-husband Tony.

“Because I was hungry, I had totally forgotten they are our enemies now. Thank god I don’t know any classified information about bombs and missile bases.”

She added: “We should destroy Spain before it attacks us. Also, six quid is a right rip off for a few garlic prawns and they stuck on a 10 per cent service charge which is frankly a bit of a liberty.”