CHILDREN have demanded to know why television programmes aimed at them are all incredibly weird.
They cited offerings such as Big Cook Little Cook, a cookery show hosted by a demonic midget, and bad acid trip Doodlebops.
Five-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “We appreciate the effort and we’re not being ungrateful, but we’re trying to learn how the world works and you’re giving us In The Night Garden and Twirlywoos, which are clearly the products of a deranged adult mind.
“Even Peppa Pig seems determined to convince me that pigs drive cars and go to ballet lessons. How does that help anyone?
“It’s all a bit of a mindeo, to be honest. Let’s just stick to the straightforward stuff like Fireman Sam in future, yeah?
“Just a man in a helmet doing a sensible job against a colourful backdrop, and no weird shit bouncing around on a spring going ‘ugg-erk’.”