Man thinks bullshit business course is genuinely educational

A WORKER studying for a pointless management qualification thinks it is genuinely educational, he has revealed.

Roy Hobbs believes he has joined the world of academia despite his course consisting of subjects like ‘motivating the team’.

Sales executive Hobbs said: “Every month I spend a day at business school and go to lectures on ‘leadership’ and ‘synergies’ with people in suits.

“This month we learnt about TIAR Theory, which means ‘Think, Implement, Act and Re-evaluate’. It’s basically doing something then seeing if it worked.

“I used to be in awe of people with degrees in serious things like physics, and now I’m one of them, eagerly devouring the classic texts like Successful Time Management in the 21st Century.

“We have some pretty intense debates. Iain said you’ve got to minimise costs and maximise profits, but I said you’ve got to focus on your people and build customer loyalty.

“If Einstein had done a business course he could have been as successful as Alan Sugar.


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Fresh air harmful to Londoners

LONDONERS are against pollution cuts because clean air hurts their poison-adapted lungs, it has emerged.

Plans to introduce an ultra low emission zone from 2019 have left long-term residents fearing they may not survive without the pollution which their bodies have adapted to consume.

Helen Archer of Walthamstow said: “Fresh air is wrong.

“Air should be acrid, hazy, blue and thick. It should sting the eyes and coat the windpipe in lovely carbon. Snot should be black.

“I once went to the Cotswolds two years ago. It stank of trees and flowers and life, my throat closed and I had to be helicoptered to Hammersmith. We’re holidaying in Bejing this year.

“Sometimes if I’m light-headed I’ll duck down and suck a taxi’s exhaust pipe until I feel myself again. That’s normal, right?”

Mayor Sadiq Khan said: “Kill the trees. Concrete over the grass. Fill the green belt with heavy industry spewing black smoke that blots out the sun.

“Let London be London.”