Cat wins every fight by just getting in there instead of staring for ages

A CAT has realised that it can beat up any other cat by cutting out the preliminary staring.

Three-year-old cat Wayne Hayes regularly lost fights because he did the typical thing of staring directly into the other cat’s eyes while maintaining a rigid pose.

He said: “I am not a big cat and I was getting my territory reduced on a weekly basis.

“Then it dawned on me to cut out the standard pre-fight ritual of edging towards the other cat while we stare at each other.

“Instead, when I see another cat I just run straight down the garden and jump on its back, battering it about the face and neck with my paws.

“It works every time, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.”

However eight-year-old cat Roy Hobbs said: “Staring motionlessly at your opponent is a time-honoured tradition that gives both parties time to consider their position and possibly get shouted at by a garden owner.

“You can’t just run at another cat and start fucking it up, this isn’t WWE wrestling or something.”