Climate in Paris seemed fine to me, says Trump

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely. 

The president visited the French capital on his European tour and has declared all reports of issues with its climate to be fake news.

He continued: “The weather in Paris is just beautiful, believe me. They have the best weather.

“You got people in Lesotho signing this thing, you got Micronesia, you got Guyana and trust me, they’ve never been there. They couldn’t afford to.

“Right now great American cities – Houston, Omaha, really great cities – are being shipped thousands of tonnes of French rain a year, and that’s a bad deal. It’s a deal Obama made.

“We’re out. Paris can handle its own weather. We have some phenomenal weathermen and women on TV in the US. Get some of them.”

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Election's off, says May

THERESA May has cancelled next week’s general election after deciding it was not necessary after all. 

The Conservative leader has recalled all ballot papers and suspended campaigning after realising her parliamentary majority of 17 was actually plenty. 

May said: “This is not a U-turn. There has been no change in the position I stated very clearly in early April. I saw no need to hold a general election then, and I see no need to hold one now. 

“I am very popular, Labour are further from government than they have ever been, everyone trusts me on Brexit and I would definitely win an election if I called one, so I won’t. 

“Holding a general election now, after Article 50 has been triggered and when negotiations with the EU have begun, would be the reckless, irresponsible act of a foolish gambler.”

She added: “Now I can looking forward to a chilled weekend binge-watching Songs of Praise.”