Trump uses safeword to end this sick game

DONALD Trump has used his safeword ‘covfefe’ to end the humiliating fetish game where he pretended to be the worst president ever. 

Like many powerful men Trump enjoys roleplay in which he is degraded, abased and made to feel like a pathetic worm, but he admitted this one went too far. 

Washington DC dominatrix Susan Traherne said: “His craving for humiliation went so far that he couldn’t stop until literally the whole world knew what a disgusting, miserable failure of a human being he was. 

“I thought he’d use the safeword – we agreed on an unusual one – during the primaries, but he kept saying ‘More pain! More!’.

“I even took him through the unlikely roleplay of winning the election, only for him to realise it made his disgrace all the more shameful and complete.”

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Londoner who gave directions to stranger experiences thrill of human connection

A LONDONER who helped a woman find her way to a hospital appointment is still reeling from the intense power of human interaction.

Account manager Wayne Hayes moved to London twelve years ago and quickly adapted to a lifestyle of blanking all strangers and avoiding connections with people beyond his immediate circle of friends.

Hayes said: “It’s been years since I acknowledged someone else’s existence in the street, and even longer since I looked anyone in the eye.

“This old lady was gesturing at me to take my headphones out so I ignored her. assuming she was a con artist, a time-wasting homeless, or worse just a lonely person.”

Hayes took out one earbud and pointed the woman in the general direction of the big hospital he’d seen in the area.

After being thanked for his help, Hayes experienced a burst of pure euphoria: “It was even better than the time I found a twenty on the floor of my favourite pub.

“I’m not sure if I gave her the right directions though because to be honest I just use the underground to get around and have no idea of the actual geography of London.

“I hope she did get to her appointment. Now need some incredibly strong coffee to get me back in ‘determined bastard mode’.”