Dad presses fog lights button as if deploying spy weapon

A 45-YEAR-OLD man has turned on his fog lights in the manner of a spy triggering an under-bonnet machine gun.

Sales representative Tom Booker was driving to a client appointment in Taunton when he hit a patch of fog.

He said to himself: “You may think you’ve got the better of me, Mister Mist, but I’ve got a little surprise up my sleeve.”

Booker then pressed a button just above his car’s ashtray that made the slightly brighter lights come on.

Father-of-two Booker said: “Whether you’re being chased by rogue KGB agents, or just driving on a B road in conditions of restricted visibility, it pays to have a hi-tech ’ace in the hole’.

“In my mind the little switch with a picture of a wavy line on it makes bullets come out of the car. It’s a good job it doesn’t though, because that would cause an accident.”

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Christmas 'train chaos' raises hope that relatives will be unable to visit

RAIL delays this Christmas could prevent tiresome family members from coming to your house, it has emerged.

Delays are now expected across four different lines over the festive period with the South East and Brighton looking to be the worst hit.

Tom Logan said: “If the railways are down, my wife’s parents may have to remain in Surrey with their hateful opinions, rather than coming to our house for what seems like an eternity.

“I’ve always maintained that train companies are bastards but suddenly I am warming to them.”

23-year-old Wayne Hayes is equally hopefully of having his plans disrupted: “I was going to my mum’s house to sleep in my childhood bed and not have sex with my girlfriend because the walls are thin.

‘But if the trains are down I’ll have to stay in my flat, drink brandy and watch Raging Bull under a duvet. Like a free man.”