Disco meteorologists predict heavy downpour of men

IT’S going to start raining men for the first time in history, according to 70s disco meteorologists.

As the UK’s unpredictable weather continues, sassy female weathergirls have predicted a deluge of handsome men will hit the nation this evening.

Thousands of blonde and dark-haired males will literally fall out of the sky.

Weathergirls Nikki Hollis said: “Tonight for the first time, just about half-past ten, it’s gonna start raining men.

“That’s it really. Or to put it another way, amen.

“Now all you single girls, your first impulse will be to run out and get yourselves absolutely ‘soaking wet’, metaphorically speaking.

“But before doing so, stop and consider the physics of the situation.

“The average hot guy weighs around 11 stone, and that’s before he’s fallen out of the sky.

“The men will be hitting the ground with tremendous force. So really you need to hide in a cave or something, because they will come straight through your roof.

“In the wake of the storm, there will be bits of bone and body parts everywhere, because of course the men are going to explode on impact.

“Sorry to put a downer on things but that is the reality of the situation.”



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It had better not be ginger, Queen warns Harry

IF Kate Middleton’s baby has red hair there is going to be big trouble, the Queen has warned Prince Harry.

As the royal brood mare’s first offspring was announced, the Queen demanded to know Prince Harry’s whereabouts around 12 weeks ago.

The Queen said: “This family has a history of mysteriously ginger babies and I’m sick of it.

“I know Harry likes those sisters and I know he’s a randy little sod. We have to be sure.

“The public isn’t going to buy that ‘it’s a rare recessive gene that can skip generations’ nonsense. There are limits to their idiocy.”

It is too early in the pregnancy to tell whether the foetus might be a carrot top. In the meantime, Prince Harry is checking through his text messages.

Prince Harry said: “There is one here from a Kate M, saying something about how maybe we got too drunk together after the polo. But I know a lot of Kate Ms.

“There’s Kate…M…anyway there’s loads of them.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I think it’s fine. It has to be fine.”