A DOG has confirmed that he is ready to take his growing relationship with a cushion to a more physical level.
Labrador Julian Cook said: “When I first saw the green velvety cushion – or ‘Jenny’ as I call her – I was attracted to her sheen-y fabric and the way she rustled coquettishly when I buried my nose in her.
“On a basic animal level I wanted to scrunch her up with my forepaws and frantically hump her, but I felt it was important we got to know each other as people first.
“Over the past week I’ve asked her about her favourite food, whether she prefers modern or classical music and what are her favourite aromas. She didn’t reply though, probably due to being a cushion.
“Even so, I sensed that the vibe between us was growing. I’m ready, the cushion’s ready.
“Now it’s time to make sweet love until someone comes into the living room and shouts at me.”