THE UK’s baffled dogs have demanded to know what farts are, it has emerged.
Canines say they are no longer prepared to tolerate mysterious expulsions that cause them to become frightened and look around frantically.
Scots terrier Tom Logan said: “I’ve always thought that the phenomenon knows as ‘farting’ is caused by the an invisible ghost that lives up my arse.
“That’s why everyone looks terrified and goes in another room when it emerges with the scary sound.
“Perhaps however there is a more scientific explanation. Richard Dawkins must know what farts are, can’t somebody ask him?
“I’ve noticed that the ghost became louder after I ate a whole stale Battenberg cake that I found in the bin, so perhaps there is a link.”
Rottweiler Donna Sheridan said: “Perhaps one day we’ll understand farts, but until then I’ll just have to keep chasing my hind quarters with a confused look on my face.
“Personally I think farts are the sound of witches laughing.”