THE public has decided to ignore all social responsibilities and work commitments because it is sunny out, it has been confirmed.
As the sun continues to beat down, the people of Britain believe it means they must not to go to work and do things like getting drunk in a park instead.
Office worker James Bates said: “I was meant to be doing a big presentation today, but one look out the window and I thought ‘Nah, f**k that’. Nobody has any idea where I am and that’s cool.
“I should probably be worried I’m going to get fired. But it’s hard to care when you’re feeling tipsy and getting tanned and it isn’t even mid-afternoon yet. Everything will be fine, due to the solar radiation.”
Heart surgeon Norman Steele said: “I’ve got a bunch of supposedly life-saving operations to do today. But I’ve decided not to turn up and look at my nice pond instead. It’s sunny, you see.”
Mum-of-two Lauren Hewitt said: “On a normal day I’d be wasting my time doing the school run. But this isn’t a normal day, it’s sunny. In March.
“That’s why I’m driving myself to a lovely field with a hamper of sauvignon blanc in the passenger seat. I’ve left the kids a tenner and some crisps, which is perfectly good parenting when it’s sunny.”