EVEN if you live in f**king London, you can still witness the majesty of Mother Nature all around you. Look out for these wonders:
Seagull stealing chips
Nature’s ingenuity knows no bounds and seagulls strive to find food sources wherever possible, for example from tourists foolish enough to wander near the Thames openly eating chips. The sight of a confused American being assailed by dozens of gulls is one of the sublime sights we look forward to post-pandemic.
Fox eating kebab leftovers
Foxes are the ultimate nocturnal scavengers, and kebabs are the ultimate foodstuff drunkenly purchased at 2am before being dropped in the gutter. Half-eaten doners pepper London’s streets at night, and foxes ensure they are gone by morning. A wondrous part of Mother Earth’s perfectly balanced eco-system.
Rat in a tube carriage
One of the wildest sights in London is an entire tube carriage shrieking in unison when they realise a rat has snuck aboard and is commuting alongside them. It will spark disgust in humans who naturally fear disease, but sometimes a rat needs to get to Finsbury Park in a hurry as much as anyone else.
A dozen stray cats behind a takeaway
While cats may not live in social packs like dogs, they abide by a strict hierarchy. And there is no sight more awesome than seeing a dozen strays, all living in an alley behind a KFC, battle it out for supremacy and first dibs on a wheelie bin full of rancid popcorn chicken.
Pigeon hit by bus
Though distressing, death is a vital part of nature. The sight of a dead pigeon on the road may be gruesome, but it will soon become part of the food chain and host to vital micro-organisms. At least until someone from the council comes and chucks it in a bin.