FOXES who voted Conservative were not expecting the government to start killing them again.
Plans to relax the hunting ban are a blow to Tory foxes, whose voting choice put them at odds with many woodland creatures.
Fox Wayne Hayes said: “I don’t ask for state handouts, even if it means working till 3am to provide for my family by ripping open bin bags or killing shitloads of chickens and only eating bits of them.
“I’m a big believer in Conservative values like self-reliance, which is why I sneak into your house and eat your cat’s biscuits, or your cat.”
Vixen Donna Sheridan said: “I blame that moronic Wes Anderson film that makes us look like a leftist, anti-authority species.
“Every week I religiously steal a copy of Mail on Sunday from the newsagent, and it’s bloody heavy with the You magazine and everything. Hurts your jaws.”