GORILLAS have confirmed they will continue to patiently tolerate the less evolved human species.
Following an unfortunate incident in a Cincinnati zoo, gorillas said they planned to continue quietly chewing vegetation as if nothing had happened.
Western gorilla Tom Logan said: “Humans are dangerous and unpredictable, and you have to be careful not to get too close to them.
“Their heads are full of flashing shapes and colours from those electronic boxes they love to stare at, it makes them ‘loco’. They’re like a stupider, fatter version of chimps – fine in small doses but you wouldn’t want one living in your clearing.”
Despite having a better lifestyle, diet and muscle definition than Homo sapiens, gorillas admire some aspects of human culture.
Logan said: “I once ate something called a Terry’s Chocolate Orange, that was quite delicious. I’ve no idea how they made it, I suppose it’s one of those weird instinctive things like how bees make honey.
“Their buildings and electricity are quiet nifty too. We use to have those things in the jungle, until we realised it was more convenient to just grow a pelt.”
Logan confirmed his plans to spend today lying in his nest casually munching on some foliage while you are at work.