BORIS Johnson has baffled scientists by cycling every day but never looking any different.
Research by the Institute for Studies on the ruddy-cheeked politician has confirmed that exercise must be a load of pointless nonsense.
Technicians even dismantled the massive blond-haired child’s bicycle to make sure he had not attached a motor.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “He seems to exercise regularly but always manages to look like a fat, wet owl.
“We must therefore conclude that the so-called benefits of voluntary exercise are egregious horseshit.
“If not then Boris Johnson is engaged in a cynical deception for the purposes of self-promotion. Which seems incredibly unlikely given that he is just a roly-poly funster who wants everyone to be happy.”