Heroic dog fights off potential boyfriend

A BRAVE dog has prevented its owner from talking to a possible romantic partner. 

Roy Hobbs, a Border Terrier, leapt to the defence of Donna Sheridan when it seemed she was about to be swept off her feet by the easygoing charm of Nathan Muir.

Moments after Sheridan and Muir met in a local park, Hobbs began barking furiously, drowning out Muir’s attempted chat-up line, before trying to bite him on the knee.

Hobbs said: “He was halfway through the word ‘coffee’ when I realised what he was up to. My instinct kicked in and I knew I had to protect Donna by killing him.

“He escaped, but I’m pretty confident he’ll never speak to her again, so I consider it a success.”

Sheridan said: “Roy is a devoted companion who will always protect me from new people, especially ones with great cheekbones and thick, wavy hair.”

Hobbs confirmed that in the past 24 hours he had protected Sheridan from two squirrels, a plastic bag, and a gust of wind in the garden at four o’clock in the morning.

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'Lad' all about beer, banter and secret love for male best friend

A 21-YEAR-OLD ‘lad’ is all about banter, booze and crying himself to sleep every night over his best friend Robert.

Third year student Stephen Malley is part of a group of self-styled lads who called themselves ‘The Alpha Dogs’.

He said: “We’re just a bunch of fun-loving nutters who love the fanny and the mad banter. There’s always crazy shit going down with birds and most nights I puke in my bed. YOLO!

“We all have nicknames like Chunky, Bozzer and Ding-Dong. Everyone calls me Mallet, and then there’s Robert aka Robbo.

“He’s such a nutter, last night he lobbed a full pint glass off a club balcony. He has really kind eyes though, not like our other mates who have small mean eyes.

“Once when everyone wanted to watch Hangover 2 I suggested a Woody Allen film instead and everyone said that was ‘gay’ but Robbo defended me.

“I’m not gay or anything but I do think about kissing him, in fact I think of him a lot at night and once I drew a picture of him using special art pencils, then tore it up.”

However Malley’s lad mate ‘Chunky’ said: “I think Steve fancies Robbo. Which makes me angry because I secretly adore Steve.

“I act like an arse towards women because I fear they will take Steve away from me.”