DRIVERS in Scotland have been warned against sheltering from icy conditions in isolated pubs where they are likely to be murdered.
A police spokesman said: “Although road conditions are treacherous, you need to think carefully before pulling into a pub for a break.
“Ask yourself, does it have a flat roof? Is there a Rottweiler, two Rottweilers, or razor wire visible? Can you see any nationalistic imagery such as flags, or burning effigies?
“Is there the steaming carcass of a stag or other large mammal in the porch?
“If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, keep driving.
“Better to get a bit tired and drive into a ditch than to be made into a ‘road lamb’ haggis.”