Hippies Annoying

HIPPIES were today banging on about petrol again even though we already get it and would just like to go skiing.

Stansted airport is now being used by airlines

A gang of them have occupied the runway at Stansted to raise awareness about how airports are increasingly being used for air travel.

Tom Logan, the largest hippy, said: "What happens, right, is that these planes are being filled with petrol, right, and then the pilot switches it on and all the petrol gets burnt, right, and then all the trees die and we run out of water .

"People need to understand the consequences of setting fire to petrol."

Angry travellers stuck in the airport's departure lounge said they were concerned about global warming and the expansion of low cost air travel but called for each and every one of these fucking hippies to be strung up from a lamppost.

Stephen Malley, on route to Zermatt, said:  "Petrol's bad. I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it. I – FUCKING – GET – IT. OKAY?"

Wayne Hayes, an intermediate snow-boarder from Cambridge, said: "I am deeply concerned about the sort of world we will bequeath to our children and I promise you, the minute I get back from my holiday I will write a letter to my MP demanding that they do whatever it is you want them to do.

"But please, for the time being, fuck off bastard hippies."

Emma Bradford, a hanger-on from Lincoln, said: "I'm a supporter of WWF and I have a Greenpeace Visa card. If I wasn't going on holiday I'd be down there with them, but I am, so I really think we should just crush them all with a bulldozer."