HS2 will deliver cost-effective journey time reductions if Birmingham is moved to Cumbria, experts have confirmed.
The Institute for Studies found that spending £50bn reducing the Birmingham-London journey time by 20 minutes was obviously stupid, but reducing the time by an hour and half was a bit less stupid.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “I drove up the M6, past Penrith and found myself in this vast emptiness. I realised I was now quite far from London, as opposed to being quite near, like Birmingham.
“And as I looked across this huge, undeveloped landscape I thought, ‘put Birmingham here’.”
Professor Brubaker claimed the cost of relocating Birmingham and then connecting it to London with high speed rail would be offset by turning the Lake District into an ‘economic powerhouse’.
He added: “The Lake District is a gigantic cliche filled with sentimental tourists. Let’s make it Birmingham instead.”
Professor Brubaker said the space vacated by Birmingham could be turned into a holiday camp for unfortunate children.