Human personality just a reaction to weather

YOUR thoughts and feelings are dictated by whether it is sunny.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that rather than having a complex psychological core or even an immortal soul, humans are organic machines made happy by sunshine and sad by the rain.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Recently fluctuations in weather demonstrate how there is nothing really to us, character-wise, beyond opening the curtains and going ‘yay’ or ‘boo’.

“If the sun is out you feel content and want beer and sexual intercourse. The song Lovely Day by Bill Withers will be playing in your head.

“If it’s rainy you will be in a mood and probably thinking about quitting your job.

“That’s all there is to you really.”

38-year-old Emma Bradford said: “That’s rubbish, my nan died last week and I was an emotional wreck.

“Thinking about it though the weather brightened up in the afternoon and we did have quite a nice time at the wake.”

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Edinburgh trams 'worth 400 year wait'

EDINBURGH’S tram service has finally opened after 400 years of planning.

Original plans for the Edinburgh tram system were drawn up shortly after King James VI united Scotland and England into the Union of the Crowns in 1603.

The project was delayed by a series of unforeseen circumstances including the Colquhoun massacre, an outbreak of plague, the Great Fire of 1824, the First and Second World Wars and the widespread realisation that the project was almost entirely pointless.

But four centuries later, the tram system, which has cost every person in Edinburgh roughly £200,000, has been unveiled to great acclaim.

Local Stephen Malley said: “This tramway shows the world what we Edinburghians can achieve if you give us a significant chunk of a millennium and an almost limitless supply of money.

“Now we can get from the city centre to the airport ever so slightly slower than we could on several other forms of public transport.

“It’s an amazing time to be alive.”