I’m only glad I won’t live to see 2040, says tearful Clarkson

A WEEPING Jeremy Clarkson says he is only glad that he will not live to see the self-driving electric car dystopia that Britain will become. 

The former Top Gear presenter, who now presents Motormouth Madness! on WeBuyAnyCar.com TV or might as well, believes the banning of petrol and diesel cars will mean the abandonment of the UK by 2042.

He continued: “The petrol car has been central to British life since Morris Minors won the battle of Agincourt in 1415.

“Imagine our cities without the comforting blue haze of exhausts, Stonehenge without the reassuring drone of traffic from the a dual carriageway. You can’t. They’re everything.

“I have never feared death because I knew that my cars, the best part of me, would live on long after me. But now they too face oblivion.

“Within two years of this ban this sceptred isle will be empty of humanity, our children fled, the only movement processions of self-driving electric Ubers around our magnificent road network. RIP Britain.”

Clarkson added: “It’s all my fault. This would never have happened if I hadn’t punched that producer.”