'It's a lovely sunny day here,' says someone 300 miles away as if that's surprising

A COLLEAGUE 300 miles away in an entirely different part of Britain has expressed surprise that the weather is different there.

While Lucy Parry in Bournemouth is looking out of the window at heavy rain after a night of storms, Ryan Whittaker in Preston is basking in sunshine.

He said: “Are you sure? Because it’s absolutely gorgeous here.

“There’s not a cloud in the sky. Do you mean Tuesday? Because it was raining Tuesday.

“Yes, there is significant distance and a mountain range between us. Yes, you are exposed to the weather systems of the English channel while I’m up by the Irish Sea. Yes, I am 32 and should have encountered this before. But this discrepancy still seems unlikely.

“Have you actually been outside and checked that it’s really raining? Because, as I say, there’s not a cloud in the sky here. Baffling.”

Parry said: “Whatever. I’d still rather be here than in f**king Preston.”

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Temu, and other brands which you aren't sure what they are but they seem dodgy as f**k

KEEP hearing people talking about their ‘Shein hauls’ and don’t know what the hell they’re on about? You’re probably confused and suspicious about these other brands too.


You may not have used Temu but you will definitely have seen adverts for it, probably on pretty much every web page you ever visit. It’s essentially Chinese Amazon, but it seems dodgy as hell because of the mad discounts it offers. Want an electric nose hair trimmer which has been discounted by 82 per cent down to 77p? Temu is your place. Presumably slave labour is involved at all stages, but hey, who doesn’t love a bargain?


If you like buying nine tops for three quid and then waiting ten days for them to arrive so you can realise they’re cheap tat you will never wear, Shein is for you. If you added up the amount you spend on strangely-fitting, badly-made items that end up in the charity shop within a week, you could buy something of good quality from a real shop that you can try on first, and enjoy wearing. 


Wayfair is an online marketplace where you can buy cheap furniture. Sounds fine, right? Well, yes, but unfortunately for Wayfair they ended up at the centre of a mad QAnon conspiracy which said they were trafficking children, presumably by locking them in wardrobes before shipping them around the world. It’s obviously bullshit, and yet you can’t help but have a lingering suspicion about them.


If you like your shopping experience to be insane, head to Wish. Here you can buy items described as ‘Women Men Pheromone Perfume Body Spray Flirt Perfume Attract Girl Scented Water for Men’. Or spend 99p on a pair of (allegedly) gold-plated titanium rings. It’s the Wild West of shopping, and most of it looks like it will fall apart the second you open the packaging, but if you’re only in it for the dopamine hit of pressing ‘buy now’, you’ll enjoy it here.


Do you want to feel depressed by the sheer amount of tacky, horrible crap that is mindlessly produced and purchased? Do you want to worry about the nature-killing pollution created by shipping this useless nonsense around the world, poisoning the air and sea for future generations? Then have a little look at AliExpress. And while you’re there, spend £2.60 on a pair of knock-off Levis, because you just can’t resist.


Glasses are expensive in the UK, aren’t they? But it would be crazy to email your prescription to China having paid £20 for a pair of frames instead, wouldn’t it? Well, no, actually. It turns out Firmoo make nice specs incredibly cheaply, and maybe Specsavers are the dodgy ones. Take our money China, you guys know what you’re doing in this case.