Man who added 'w/air-con' to Tinder bio cleaning up

A BACHELOR who added ‘w/air-con’ to his Tinder bio has never had so much sex, he has confirmed. 

Nathan Muir had previously enjoyed little success on the dating app but is now apparently so attractive that beautiful women are desperate to go back to his place after a single drink.

He said: “The modern dating market is a jungle. A hot, steamy jungle full of women desperate for an oasis of cool.

“I’m not an idiot. I know they only want me for my multi-split 12,000 BTU inverter air-con units in bedroom and lounge, but who’s to say that won’t turn into love?

“Two separate girls have told me that’s the best sex they’ve had in six weeks. I’ll take that. And they always, always stay the night.”

Marketing executive Francesca Johnson said: “Nathan? He’s kind of a dickhead, but I live in an eighth-floor flat without opening windows. I’d bang Piers Morgan right now if he had air conditioning.

“Women do need to watch out, though. There’s a lot of blokes who say they’ve got full air-con on Tinder and you get back and there’s just an oscillating fan.”

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Temperature triggers by-law allowing public to smoke weed outside pubs

THE heatwave sweeping Britain has triggered a little known Victorian-era by-law allowing the legal consumption of cannabis in beer gardens and outside pubs.

With temperatures hitting 30ºC in urban areas bars and pubs are powerless to stop patrons taking advantage of the loophole, with pavements thronged with the highly stoned.

Chief inspector Emma Bradford of the Metropolitan Police said: “Smoke all you like. We can do nothing to stop you.

“When Gladstone made cannabis illegal in 1880 he included an exception in law, knowing from his gap year in Jamaica that it proved crucial for cooling the blood. He never expected it to be used here.

“Sadly, global warming means that Britons can toke the mad reefer without fear of reprisal on our very own streets for the first time since 1976, when we all grooved on the Brotherhood of Man.”

Martin Bishop of Nottingham said: “A pint of strong lager and a fat joint in the midday sun, what could be better?

“Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go and sit down in the nice, cool bathroom for five minutes before I’m sick.”