Man wishes he wasn’t too British to scream at the rain

A MAN furious at a summer of constant rain wants to treat it with the blazing anger it deserves, but is too British to do so. 

Nathan Muir, from Uttoxeter, has admitted being incandescent with rage at the downpours which have continued into August, but cannot say anything more heated than “Tch! Bloody summer.”

He added: “This is a fucking outrage. It’s an atrocity. But when I try to express my anger, I just end up saying ‘Ah well, it’s good for the flowers’.

“Other people feel the same fury I do, I see it in their eyes, but when they open their mouths all that comes out is ‘Apparently summer’s on a Wednesday next year.

“It’s ruined three camping trips, one tent, innumerable barbecues, countless weddings and I should imagine the Green Man music festival next weekend will be a muddy hell, but I’ll still probably say ‘There’s a patch of blue over there, could be worse.’”

Psychologist Dr Mary Fisher said: “Like soldiers on the frontline of war, if the British ever confronted the full horror that surrounds them they would lose their minds.

“Saying ‘Nice weather for ducks’ is the only way we stay sane.”