Man's pockets just filthy bins

A MAN uses his pockets exclusively as a place to store his rubbish.

Tom Logan’s trouser pockets currently contain assorted stale food, a crushed juice box, a condom wrapper and six toenail clippings.

Logan said: “I just don’t see what else I would use them for. They’re pretty much tiny bags, and I often have tiny rubbish to dispose of.

“Do you think people had mobile phones in the 1950s? No, they didn’t. So what were their pockets for?”

Girfriend Emma Bradford added: “The used tissues are the worst. A couple of time I almost vomitted.”


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More rail strikes under Labour, Johnson warns commuters selling sex to buy tickets

BORIS Johnson has warned commuters who have to turn tricks to pay for their tickets that there will be more strikes under Labour.

Rail travellers who begin every day touting for business outside train stations just to get to their jobs are terrified at the thought of a nationalised rail network.

Julian Cook, applying lipstick in the toilets of Cholsey rail station at 6.20am, said: “They’ve gone straight for Labour’s weak spot here. Who’d trust Corbyn with the trains? 

“There would definitely be more strikes, what with Labour’s stated policy of pay rises for rail workers. They would hate that.” 

PA Eleanor Shaw, strutting up and down the car park of Horley station in thigh-high leather boots, agreed: “This could swing key marginals. Who’s going to trust Labour with the trains, after this last nine years of brilliant Tory management? 

“Hold on, three more punters and I’m done for today. Business, lover? I’ve only got two more days on my season ticket.”