Massive toad totally running riverbank

A MASSIVE toad has his area of riverbank totally under control.

Squat, confident amphibian Wayne Hayes said: “Whatever happens on this riverbank, it gets run past me first.

“That way there won’t be any misunderstandings. Because when there are misunderstandings, people can get hurt or even swallowed.

“It’s nothing personal, just nature.”

However Hayes denied involvement in the disappearance of a water vole that dug an unlicensed burrow near the big lily pad.

He said: “That vole just had to leave town for a few days. I think his aunt was ill or something. He’s fine.

“People were saying I looked more bloated than usual after he disappeared, but I’m bloated all the time.

“Because I’m a big ass toad.”